1. The Unexpected Turn in a Couple's Family Planning
The news came unexpectedly. It was on a day when the hot air was gradually cooling, and the world was being painted in vibrant colors.
"You're no longer alone. Congratulations," the physician said with a confident voice after initially frowning and re-examining several times.
"At this rate, you'll be able to meet the child next summer. From now on, there are many things you need to be cautious about."
No alcohol or tobacco, avoid half-body baths and saunas, stay away from caffeinated drinks, and though it's unlikely, don't lift heavy objects... As the physician rattled off the list of precautions, I lowered my head and gently caressed my belly.
Lately, I had been feeling chilly with a low fever, and my menstruation had stopped, so I had my suspicions... but to hear I was pregnant. It was fascinating and awe-inspiring to think that something so small, not even large enough for a heartbeat to be heard, had been constantly announcing its existence without my knowledge.
"I don't have anything prepared today, so I'll come back tomorrow. You're not in the stable period yet, so you need to be very, very careful. Would you like me to inform the Count?"
"No, I'll tell him myself. Please keep this confidential until then."
"Understood. I'll say it again, but you still have about three weeks until the stable period, so you must be cautious until then."
After the physician repeated his cautions about three more times and left the room, I fell into contemplation while stroking my belly. A child with Adrian... When we went on that kidnapping and confinement trip, I had asked Adrian if he wanted children, and he had given a positive response. It was good timing, as I had found out about the pregnancy just a few months after stopping birth control.
But when did it happen?
"It must have been that day..."
Tracing back the dates, there was one day that stood out. It was the day when Adrian and I received simultaneous summons to the royal palace – he from the King, and I from the Queen.
Given our ancestral ties to the royal family, we had been called individually as members of our house before, but this was the first time we were summoned together. Confused about the purpose, we headed to the capital, only to find the royal palace bustling with nobles. It unexpectedly became an opportunity to confirm the Palzgraf family's standing. At first, the nobles who saw me were indifferent, thinking I was a stranger, but as soon as they heard "Countess Palzgraf," they swarmed around me like bees. Adrian was immediately called away by the King upon leaving the carriage, and I had just finished meeting with the Queen, so there was no one to shield me.
"Countess, this is my first time seeing you at the royal palace. You may not remember, but my family has deep ties with the former Count..."
"Countess, hello. I'm Alfret. I heard you had a pleasant conversation with my wife at the afternoon tea party hosted by Viscount Castel. My wife was so enthusiastic about your wit that I worried her tongue might dry out."
"Countess! Allow me to introduce myself first. I'm Windsor. I've been very interested in the charitable works pursued by the Palzgraf family, and it's an honor to meet you in person."
What's wrong with these people? Even as I tried to greet them one by one carefully, they entangled themselves in a power struggle. Backed against a wall in the corridor, I raised both hands to keep them from coming closer and smiled politely.
"Hello, Lord Alfret. And Lord Windsor... Lord Valdeck, I've heard much about your reputation as well."
"There could be no greater joy than the Countess remembering my name."
"It's an honor for our family, Countess."
"If I may be so bold, could I visit you separately later? As soon as possible, preferably."
This is wrong; their eyes have completely changed. I was already worried about how to help the Queen's younger cousin make her social debut, and now they're crowding around me without giving me a chance to think! Moreover, they seemed to be in an implicit competition with each other. Just as I was reaching the limits of my patience due to their unstoppable chatter, I heard a welcome voice.
"Hilda."
Even in the royal palace, adorned with all kinds of precious treasures and lined with gold, the owner of the voice stood out. Although the faces of the nobles crowding me against the wall weren't bad-looking, they were instantly pushed out of my view when Adrian appeared. His beauty was always fresh and admirable, even though I saw him every day. It was as if a halo shone behind him as he walked quickly down the corridor. Please, take some of the burden off my husband's shoulders, he's too handsome...
"If you have any business, please visit directly later. My wife looks tired."
While I was thoroughly admiring my handsome husband's figure, Adrian gently pushed away the nobles surrounding me. When did my husband become so gallant? I wish the whole world could see how dependable Adrian is.
As I was internally gushing, he led me away from the nobles' sight. When we reached a less crowded area, he held my hand even tighter.
"Hilda, did you encounter any trouble? You look tired."
"Hm? No, it's fine. You came at the right time. Did your business go well?"
"Yes, they called me to confirm some details about the project we've been working on. What about your business?"
"The Queen asked me to help prepare her young cousin's debut in society. She said she was close to the former Countess Seon before her health deteriorated, and that she misses her. She also insisted that we attend the ball being held this evening."
"Will you be alright? If it's too much trouble, you can say so. I'll figure something out."
His blue eyes, fixed on me, glistened with affection. Though he was sweet to me, I knew that when he said "figure something out," it wasn't a statement to be taken lightly.
I tried my best to reassure him nonchalantly before attending the ball the Queen had invited us to, but I was still tired. The situation from earlier kept repeating itself endlessly at the ball. The Queen also clung to me excessively, and if Adrian hadn't extracted me, I might have been stuck there until late at night.
"Hilda, this way."
Adrian led me up a staircase, suggesting we get some fresh air. At the end of a winding corridor that resembled a maze, without a single human shadow in sight, how did Adrian know about such a place? Climbing the stairs shrouded in darkness, a cool breeze refreshed us, drying our sweat.
"Is this... the clock tower?"
"Yes, it's the highest point here. No one will find us, so feel free to rest."
Looking back, the path we had walked seemed to have vanished as if it had never existed. Adrian gently pulled me to sit on a large, plush sofa and personally removed my shoes. The sound of the massive hour hand creaking as it turned echoed like in a movie. After being at the ball where I had to keep smiling and be wary of my surroundings, being alone with him was such a relief. I leaned lightly against the sofa's backrest and sighed.
"Phew... I'm always most comfortable when I'm with you. I guess I'm still not used to all this."
"You don't have to push yourself, Hilda. If you don't want to, I can arrange it so you don't have to come to places like this."
As his hands removed my shoes, they tickled my instep, making me giggle softly. The touch of his hands caressing my feet, marked with shoe imprints, conveyed loving concern.
"No, it's okay. I want to do my part too."
"How about we go on a trip after you finish the task you've been asked to do? Just the two of us, somewhere quiet."
"That's a great idea. Let's try to handle everything ourselves, without anyone's help. Meals, sleeping arrangements, everything. It would be refreshing and nice to do some physical work after a long time."
"Mmm. But you feel hot. Did you drink earlier?"
"I couldn't refuse, so I had a little."
My voice became slightly languid, perhaps due to the delayed onset of intoxication. I grabbed Adrian's cheeks, which were at the level of my knees. Although I didn't pull particularly hard, he followed my will. I flopped down on the sofa and looked up at him. A familiar and comfortable weight. Were my hands burning up because of the alcohol? I thoroughly examined his face, beautiful no matter how I looked at it.
"You drank too, didn't you?"
"Mmm, as you saw."
"But your face isn't red at all. You must have a high tolerance."
"Would you prefer if I had a low tolerance?"
"Not necessarily, but I am curious about what you'd look like drunk. You know, how people say others look prettier when you're drunk..."
"Hilda, you can't look prettier. You're already beautiful, how could you look any prettier?"
"Oh, come on, that doesn't make any sense..."
"You're right. Now that I think about it, it doesn't make sense. It's not that you're beautiful, Hilda. Beauty itself is you. And yet, I'm grateful that you're by my side."
"..."
"You would illuminate the world wherever you go."
Adrian smiled shyly, as if he truly felt undeserving. Knowing that it wasn't just to make me feel embarrassed made it several times more flustering. Feeling that I shouldn't let him continue, I hooked my fingers into his tie and pulled sharply. Our lips overlapped, and our body temperatures rose slightly. As our lips parted, the escaping breath was moist and sweet.
As fingers untied the ribbon on my back, my chest loosened. The cold wind sharply penetrated my exposed back, but it was soon warmed by his body heat. The clock tower with just the two of us, the rhythmic sound of the mechanical gears, the rustling of clothes falling against skin...
Among the countless happy memories with him, that day when he steadfastly protected me amidst the throng of nobles in the royal palace and then expressed boundless happiness at being alone with me at night stood out vividly. I was happy because of Adrian, and Adrian was happy because I was happy, and seeing him happy made me even happier – a continuous cycle of such days. Now, a new family member had arrived to share in this daily life.
How should I tell Adrian? Will he be happy to hear the news? How happy will he be? What should we name the child? Although I had been imagining this moment ever since marrying him, now that it had actually happened, various emotions flooded in all at once, making my heart race. While there were some worries, the joy and excitement were far greater.
"Come to think of it, it's Adrian's birthday soon, isn't it?"
Counting the days, I realized that the stable period the physician mentioned roughly coincided with Adrian's birthday. I had been wondering what to prepare for his birthday, and this turned out to be perfect timing. I should make it an unforgettable day by breaking the news to him then! Although Adrian was someone who couldn't be left out when discussing jealousy, suspicion, and obsession, he had been living stably without causing any incidents since I settled here. It's not good to hide anything, but... this kind of event should be okay, right?
First, I need to tell Emily the news. The help of the mansion staff would be essential to successfully pull off a surprise party. I was about to rush off in my excitement but stopped and began to walk carefully. There were many things I needed to change from now on.
"What? Is that true? Oh my, oh my! Goodness, Hilda!"
Emily, who was the first to hear the news, showed a variety of expressions throughout my story and was almost jumping up and down by the end. Although she was now a dignified head maid, when it was just the two of us, she would often return to her fresh and innocent self from the old days.
"What about the Count? Does he know about this?"
"No, I haven't told him yet. His birthday is in three weeks, so I'm planning to tell him then along with giving him a gift."
"My goodness, if I'm this excited, how happy will he be? I wouldn't be surprised if he cries on the spot."
Emily was even more moved, covering her mouth and tearing up. Adrian will be happy too, right? Although his reason for wanting a child – "I want to see a being that's a mix of you and me" – wasn't exactly ordinary.
"So, I was hoping the secret could be kept until his birthday in three weeks. Will you help me?"
"Sure, I'll make sure only the most tight-lipped servants enter your room. What are you planning to give him as a gift?"
"Well, I'm still thinking about that."
Even before we were married, birthday gifts had always been the most challenging task. Adrian had little desire for material things, and he already had everything he wanted, so nothing particular came to mind as a gift. I knew that what Adrian wanted most was me, but I didn't want to resort to offering myself as a gift every time. When nothing comes to mind, it's best to seek help from others. So, I decided to ask Emily first.
"What do you think? What would make a good birthday gift?"
"Hmm, I'm not sure. From what I can see... the Count seems content just having you."
While that may be true, it wasn't the answer I was looking for. Then again, Emily isn't close to Adrian, so she probably doesn't know much about his personal preferences. After thanking Emily, I went to find Kazimir. After all, he had spent much more time with Adrian than I had, so I hoped he might have some useful advice.
"Hmm, a gift... a gift."
After making a fuss about the news of the baby, Kazimir forgot his formal speech and fell into thought.
"Can you think of anything?"
"Come to think of it, there was a time when he wanted a heart created by the Fire Demon. It's incredibly rare, carved from an eternally burning flame."
"How would one go about getting that?"
"Well... First, you'd have to go to hell and make a contract with the Fire Demon... Ouch!"
"Anything else?"
I was about to give him two knocks on the head, but seeing him whining and looking at me, I lowered my fist. Rubbing the spot where he was hit, he rolled his eyes again.
"How about this then? There's a panoramic view of hell made by the Ice Demon. It's made by mixing ice and flame, and its light is so mysterious that all demons covet it. His Highness would surely be satisfied with that... Ow ow ow."
In the end, I gave him the two knocks. Leaving Kazimir groaning, having abandoned all the dignity he so desperately wanted to maintain as a butler, I went to find the gardener. I thought he might know something since we often chat while tending to the garden.
"The Count? He mentioned needing garden shears that listen well, so I've prepared them."
"Was there nothing else? Anything he mentioned wanting?"
"Now that you mention it, he did say he wanted to grow a Maori Sophora, but... the growing conditions here aren't suitable, so I recommended other plants. He seemed quite disappointed."
"Hmm... What about other plants?"
"He has everything else he wants in this garden, so now it's just a matter of tending to them diligently."
Even plants, which were usually a safe bet, weren't the solution this time. And we couldn't deliberately bring in something unsuited to the environment just to let it die...
On my way back to the mansion, I happened to run into Roji, who was cleaning his guns. I tried to ask him, but as soon as I mentioned Adrian's name, he vanished without a trace. I wanted to ask why he was so afraid, but he would disappear at the mere mention of the first letter of Adrian's name, so I never got the chance.
Sigh, it seems seeking help from those around us wasn't the right approach after all. I trudged back to the mansion, feeling deflated.
There's no point in dwelling on a problem when the answer doesn't come quickly. For Adrian, who already has so much and can easily obtain anything he wants, material satisfaction probably doesn't hold much meaning. I knew he wasn't particularly materialistic, but it seems I may have been approaching this from the wrong angle from the start. So, I decided to simply gift Adrian a special night together.
There's a reason why classics are eternal. Although we couldn't be intimate due to the pregnancy, there were many other ways to make Adrian ecstatic, and I was confident I could give him the best night with proper preparation.
"Hilda, I'm home."
Adrian came home late in the evening. Although his appearance should have faded with time like flowers in season, his entrance was still so beautiful that I couldn't help but stare. Ah, I hope our child takes after Adrian more. From his hair, so soft it tickles your palm when you touch it, to his delicately beautiful eyes and nose - all of it. How lovely would that be?
"What are you thinking about so intently?"
"I was just wishing I could see you as a child in person."
"Hmm?"
"Are there any portraits of you from when you were younger than the one the Countess gave me?"
Despite my sudden question, Adrian wore a soft smile.
"Unfortunately, no. The family probably didn't want to keep them, so they've likely been burned."
"Oh... I'm sorry."
I had forgotten that Adrian was once the ill-fated heir, dying and awaited by all to perish. Oh no, it seems I've brought up unpleasant memories. As I hastily apologized, Adrian shook his head.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Hilda."
Leaving a sweet kiss on the back of my hand that seemed to melt it, he led me to the bedroom. When I came to my senses, I was already on the bed, the ribbon around my waist undone, my shoulders fully exposed. Just the intertwining of our tongues made my mind hazy and my eyes narrow. As always, I was about to wrap my arms around Adrian's neck and feel the sensation of gently biting his lips when...
"You must be careful, very careful, as you're not yet in the stable period."
That's right, I needed to be careful!
"Wait! No, stop!"
As I tried to regain my senses and sit up, I ended up pushing hard against Adrian's chest. Usually, Adrian wouldn't budge, but he was always defenseless with me, so he was pushed to the foot of the bed. When I gently opened my tightly shut eyes, I first saw his bewildered face. Oops.
"Hilda...?"
"Ah, sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, I... No, that's not it. I'm not feeling well today. That's why I reacted like that."
Adrian's expression darkened, and I almost blurted out about the pregnancy... but then I remembered the surprise event planned for his birthday and came to my senses. After all the effort I put into making sure the servants kept their mouths shut while preparing for the event! I couldn't let all that go to waste. I crawled towards him.
"I'm sorry. Did I startle you? I didn't mean to push you so hard."
"No, I wasn't startled. It's okay."
"I'm sorry..."
"I told you, there's nothing to be sorry about."
Still feeling guilty about pushing him away so harshly, I took his hand, and his expression softened immediately. Seeing my hesitation, he seemed to be trying to be careful.
Fortunately, we ended up just holding hands and sleeping chastely and safely, but I was extremely worried about what would happen from now on. Adrian was skilled at seducing people, and I was weak to temptation, often finding myself enthralled and doing things I hadn't intended to do.
It's only three weeks, but it feels like it's going to be a challenging time. After calming my startled heart for a while, I turned my head to see Adrian sleeping. I felt somewhat unsettled - could this also be because of the baby? With a complicated heart, I stared at his profile before closing my eyes with a sigh.
Hilda had changed.
Adrian gritted his teeth anxiously.
He first sensed the strange atmosphere a week ago, on that night. As always, he tried to embrace Hilda, but the moment he touched her, she flinched and pushed him away. The reason he was reflecting on that moment now was because lately, he sensed that Hilda was secretly meeting someone. Not just once, but four times.
As Hilda had established herself as the rightful Countess, she met countless people Adrian didn't know for official business, but she never hid these meetings. They would naturally come up in conversation, or she would mention them in passing like a chattering lark before bed as she talked about her day. This meant that never before had the mansion's staff been mobilized solely to block Adrian's eyes and ears as they were now.
"Visitors today? Well, I don't think there were any particular guests..."
"No one was here. Of course. No one was here."
"Nothing happened at the mansion."
"Absolutely! No one came by!"
Every servant Adrian caught and questioned gave the same answer. Even without using his ability to see through people's emotions, their expressions transparently revealed everything.
Hilda was hiding something.
"Count, is something the matter?"
"..."
As his expression grew darker and more haggard, even the usually oblivious Kazimir couldn't help but notice. The man who often stood by as both butler and aide watched carefully as he asked, but Adrian remained silent for a while. Huh, he's really acting strange. He was always grinning from ear to ear since getting married, but now he looks like death warmed over.
"...Hilda."
After a long wait, a small voice, barely audible, emerged. Kazimir quickly leaned closer to the desk.
"My lord, I can't hear you well."
"I think... Hilda has found someone."
At this quiet murmur, Kazimir blinked blankly. Found someone? What does he mean by found someone... Oh! The child! So he did know about the child! Of course, how could he not know! But why is his expression so dark, and why is he hiding it from me? Does he not know that I know? Judging by how he's avoiding specific terms... I should probably play along?
"Yes, someone has come to the Madam! So you've noticed too, my lord. I was wondering when you'd catch on!"
"...You knew about it too?"
A wide-eyed gaze shot towards him, but Kazimir couldn't stop his excited chatter.
"Yes, it's quite a big deal. I don't think there's anyone in the mansion who doesn't know. Probably everyone except you, Count. It was so hard for me to keep it a secret all this time..."
"So everyone really did know."
"Of course. She's important to us too. But please don't tell the Madam I said anything. She specifically asked us to keep it a secret from you."
"She specifically asked..."
"Yes, I suppose it might be difficult to tell you right away. She knows your personality best, after all. She knew you wouldn't stay still."
"...It seems they must be quite close, for her to go to such lengths."
"Naturally. Though it's been a short time, they've become inseparable. And it will continue to be so."
The baby is one with the mother until birth, so they are indeed inseparable! Ha, what a good metaphor! Kazimir had always admired his lord's appreciation for art, and he felt proud that he too seemed to have developed a literary talent from being by his side. He was completely oblivious to how Adrian was interpreting his words in an entirely different way.
"So? Are you saying they're in love now?"
"Of course! How could there not be love in such a relationship?"
"Hah..."
Having received complete confirmation from Kazimir, Adrian held his forehead. Love, she specifically asked to keep it a secret from me... Hilda, to me, Hilda... A tremor born of sadness, shock, and despair spread throughout his body.
"Of course, from your perspective, you might be worried about growing distant from the Madam, but... Oh, you don't look well."
"...That's enough, you may go."
"Pardon? But you're so pale, and your hands are shaking. Did I, perhaps, shock you too much?"
"Leave."
His ears were ringing, and he couldn't hear well, nor did he want to. After sending away the noisy Kazimir, he struck his chest as if to break his ribs. He couldn't... breathe properly. He suffered for a while, feeling dizzy and disoriented.
I must... see Hilda.
He raised his head, grasping at his wheezing, failing breath. He barely managed to calm his heart, which was already beating frantically beyond normal range, and restored his eyes, which had turned red from burst blood vessels, to their original state. At this moment, he desperately wanted to see Hilda. So he pushed everything aside and headed for her room.
The time he spent with her was always the brightest and most radiant part of his day, even at night, and the happiest, but not today. It was a bit darker, more depressing, and frustrating. If it weren't for Hilda's constant whispers of love vows, he might have crumbled long ago.
"You're here?"
As he opened the door and entered, a sweet voice flowed out as if she had been waiting. Unlike usual, he felt like crying when he saw her smile brightening beautifully at the sight of him. The sensation of being forcefully pushed away in bed a few days ago was still vivid, and he couldn't approach her carelessly. Even though he tried his best to appear normal, he could feel his expression crumbling due to the immense shock.
Hilda, are you... tired of me? Are other people catching your eye now?
Hilda could very well do so. If his eyes weren't mistaken, Hilda would be beautiful in others' eyes too. Just a few months ago, when they went to the royal palace together, how much had he suffered internally? Whenever he took his eyes off her for a moment, men would swarm around her, and he had to scrape the bottom of his patience to suppress his murderous intent. He hated anyone laying eyes on Hilda, hated anyone catching her attention, hated anyone exchanging greetings or speaking with her... he hated it, hated it, hated it.
I wish you were beautiful only to me, Hilda.
"...Mmm, I missed you a lot today too."
"Hm? Why do you look so unwell, are you sick?"
"No, I'm not sick anywhere."
His voice grew heavy as he suppressed what he wanted to say. Unlike himself, who spent all day counting the moments until he could see Hilda, the thought that she might enjoy meeting others tore at his heart.
"Don't push yourself. I hate it most when you're sick."
What does it matter about someone like me? I have no reason to exist without you.
Do you know this feeling? That I, who have no particular attachment to this world, am attached to the world where you dwell. That even though I have no reason to struggle to survive anymore, I'm working hard to act human... It's because of you that I live as a human, Hilda.
"Hilda."
"Yes?"
Meeting her eyes, glossy as if coated with love, once again made his eyes sting with heat. Why are you so affectionate even at this moment?
He tried his hardest not to show his gloomy mood, but it wasn't easy. He lowered his eyelids to avoid showing a pleading look, but his hands sought out Hilda's warmth regardless of his will. However, before he could even wet his dry throat, he had to pull away as soon as his elbow touched her. Because the moment he touched her, he felt Hilda's body flinch, in a split second that most people wouldn't notice.
She's intentionally avoiding me...
His heart, which had been growing cold since he learned that Hilda was secretly meeting someone, shattered into pieces.
"Madam, have you considered telling the Count earlier?"
A week and a few days after learning about the pregnancy, as I was rejoicing over the news that the baby was growing healthily, the physician asked while finishing the examination. I had told him to keep it a secret until the surprise party, so why was he asking again?
"Is there a problem?"
"No, it's not that..."
"But you look pale. Is something wrong?"
With dark circles under his eyes and a gloomy complexion, the physician, being a doctor, looked worse than me, the pregnant woman.
"No, it's not that... It's just that the way the Count looks at me is unsettling."
"Unsettling? In what way?"
Is there any reason for Adrian to dislike the physician? To him, everyone passing by would probably look like Servant 1, Servant 2, Physician 1, Noble 1, Noble 2, and so on. He usually didn't even bother to dislike ordinary people. In that sense, the old me who terrified Adrian... well, I have nothing to say.
"No, it's nothing. It must be my imagination. I'm probably being oversensitive. It's an important matter for the family, and we're keeping it a secret."
The physician sighed after rolling his eyes for a while, seemingly giving up on trying to explain. I shook my head as I tidied my clothes.
"You seem more worried than I am. You never leave me alone. Even today, when I said I was going to the village for a bit, you insisted on accompanying me..."
"That's natural, Madam. While the Count doesn't know, I need to take extra care of you. This isn't just any ordinary matter... You must tell me whenever you go out. Even if it's just for a moment. If something were to happen while I'm away... it's terrifying just to imagine. Do you understand?"
"Alright, alright, I get it."
I had planned to go to the village to personally choose various decorations and gifts for the party, but he's making such a fuss. A few days ago, he strongly opposed me going out at all, so this is an improvement... But it was unavoidably annoying to have gained another severe nagger. Still, he said he wouldn't interfere this much after I tell Adrian, so I just need to endure a little longer.
That night too, I spent the evening avoiding Adrian and went to bed. As we had always been inseparable in the mansion, even I felt unfamiliar and sorry, but Adrian would understand if he were in my position. When you have someone who can move your heart just by holding hands, there's no helping it.
Adrian's gaze, Adrian's face, Adrian's hands, Adrian's gestures... I was weak to everything about Adrian. I shouldn't be too weak to the young Adrian I'll meet next year. I was already worried that if I saw his face crying while trying to discipline him, my heart would melt.
After alternating between expectation and worry, I fell asleep. Some time later, I sensed Adrian's presence in my sleep. He was sitting on the bed, staring down at me intently, and I felt my heart racing, wondering if he might touch me. I didn't have confidence in my ability to resist if he decided to seduce me.
"..."
As I was unconsciously tense, I suddenly felt something cold on my neck. Oh, Adrian. You're crying while looking at me? Why are you crying suddenly in the middle of the night?
I was about to get up immediately and ask why he was crying, when a possibility I hadn't considered before suddenly crossed my mind.
Could it be that Adrian has noticed the pregnancy?
Oh, that makes sense. Of course, if anyone would notice, it would be Adrian. With all his mysterious abilities, it would be more surprising if he hadn't noticed the baby's existence. It made sense that he was shedding tears alone in the middle of the night, moved by the child's existence, while pretending not to know since I hadn't told him yet. It perfectly matched his personality too. Moreover, Adrian had been even more careful than me lately, as I was trying not to get swept up in the atmosphere. He had been restraining himself from his usual seduction, so it was hard to believe he didn't know.
Adrian... to think you're so happy that you're crying secretly like this. My chest tightened and my eyes reddened with emotion. This considerate husband might even be planning and practicing how to react when I tell him the news soon. That's probably it, right? He'll try to match my excitement because he wants to see me happy.
Baby, please wait a little longer for your prenatal name. We'll choose it together with your father, so even if you feel disappointed, you have to wait, okay?
One could argue that there's no point in hiding it when we're both in on it, but it wouldn't be as fun if I spoke first when he's trying so hard to pretend he doesn't know. It was a fresh kind of fun, pretending not to know while both of us knew. Is this dependable man really the same person who used to have severe separation anxiety like a puppy? I was moved by his overflowing consideration and understanding, and I couldn't bear how much my husband had matured.
As I caressed my belly and whispered silently, I suddenly felt amazed at the thought that this tiny bean-sized baby, whose existence I couldn't even feel yet, was listening. A baby, Adrian's and mine. To think we'll be able to meet next summer... I could barely contain my excitement and overwhelming emotions. I wanted to share this news with Adrian soon and share in the joy together.
Hilda has been unfaithful.
After observing her behavior over the past few days, Adrian weakly acknowledged this. The person she was secretly meeting was Howard McLean, 32 years old. He was the physician who frequented this mansion. Adrian had worried that she might be meeting him due to poor health, but although her body temperature was slightly elevated, that wasn't the case.
Hilda... being unfaithful.
As he uncovered the specific identity of her partner, Adrian began to deteriorate. At first, he thought about asking her directly, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He feared that if he confronted her about something she hadn't told him, even the little affection she had left for him might disappear completely. All he could do was suffer in silence, his heart aching.
"Howard McLean."
"C-Count..."
One day, he caught the man by the scruff of his neck as he was leaving after secretly meeting Hilda. Adrian had been watching the man's movements fiercely for a while, but that day he couldn't bear it any longer and called him out. The man, startled enough to jump out of his skin, turned pale as a sheet when he saw Adrian. His expression and gaze, tantamount to a confession of guilt, made Adrian's fist clench slightly.
"You've been frequenting the mansion lately. Is my wife unwell?"
"Pardon? What do you mean?"
"I'm asking because every time you come to the mansion, you only examine my wife and leave. If my wife is ill, I should naturally know about it."
"That's... that's not it. The Countess is healthy."
His pupils trembled anxiously. Meeting every day when she's not even sick. Does this man realize what he's saying?
Adrian wanted to crush this insolent man to death right then and there, but he couldn't. Since meeting Hilda, a clear boundary had formed between 'what he could do' and 'what he should actually do.' He couldn't lay a hand on something Hilda cherished and loved. If Hilda were to resent and hate him after this man's death... The mere thought made his heart ache.
What did Hilda like about this man?
Adrian scrutinized the physician with sharp eyes. It was a laughable thought now, but Adrian didn't know Hilda's ideal type. He had heard countless times that she liked his face and body, so she wasn't indifferent to appearances, but from an aesthetic point of view, the physician's looks were no match for his.
Then what did he use to seduce Hilda? His pillow? Hilda had a strange obsession with pillows, so it was a plausible inference. Or his shirt? Hilda particularly enjoyed tearing shirts, and this physician's shirt did look just right for tearing. To seduce Hilda with his clothes, wasn't he worse than a demon?
I want to kill him. Break every bone in his body and cut him into pieces until there's nothing left.
As Adrian's eyes cooled dangerously, the physician's body instinctively began to tremble. Like a mouse facing a snake, pitifully.
"...You may go now."
Despite the tremendous killing intent boiling up, all Adrian could do was make the physician's path out of the mansion treacherous, causing him to get slightly injured. Even if he got hurt, being a doctor, he'd treat himself well. Adrian turned away, feeling somewhat dejected.
"What's this?"
Thinking he should reduce his working hours, Adrian was going around handing over the Earldom's internal affairs to suitable candidates when he discovered something strange in the mansion.
A black metal tool with one serrated edge. As he stared at it for a while, an ice-cold sensation crept into his fingertips. Why is this here? Puzzled, he looked up and saw another identical object in the dark shadows to the side of the corridor, not easily noticeable. It's not that he didn't know what these were, but... it was too incongruous to be in a normal corridor where servants also walked around.
"This is... a trap."
Why would a hunting trap, usually found in the mountains, be casually placed in the mansion?
"There are even more? What if someone steps on this and gets hurt?"
Shocked by the traps hidden throughout the corridor, I immediately went to find Emily. When asked if she knew what these were, Emily also seemed surprised.
"Oh my, this... there's blood on it? Hilda, you're not hurt, are you?"
"Blood on it? It's not me."
Both alarmed, we examined the trap and indeed found red liquid on the sharp, beast-like serrated edge.
"I don't know why these are in the mansion, but we should get rid of them quickly. Someone could get seriously hurt if they step on one unknowingly."
"I understand. I'll have the mansion thoroughly searched and all of them removed. Oh my, to think such dangerous things were in the mansion..."
"We need to be careful not to get hurt."
Emily rushed out to gather the servants, and I returned to where I first found the traps to see if there were any more. Fortunately, it seemed the five I discovered were all there were, but why were such things scattered around the mansion? Come to think of it, the physician was limping yesterday. When I asked if he was hurt somewhere, he just smiled wearily. Could he have been injured by these traps...?
Nah, that can't be. Surely not.
"By the way, where did Adrian go?"
Since the baby, I hadn't been able to pay as much attention to Adrian as before. Come to think of it, Adrian had been acting strange lately too. Getting up in the middle of the night to cry, disappearing without a word, trying to say something when he saw me but then closing his mouth tightly. I thought it was because he was pretending not to know about the baby while actually knowing... but I started to think that might not be the case.
"I should talk to Adrian when he gets back."
If there's some misunderstanding, I might as well reveal that I'm pregnant now. No matter how much I wanted to throw him a surprise party, it wasn't worth causing a misunderstanding. Although I was determined, contrary to my intentions, my eyelids grew heavy from early evening, and I dozed off before Adrian returned.
When I opened my eyes again, it was already morning. I was sure I had been sitting on the sofa, but when I woke up, I was in bed. Adrian must have moved me, but the man himself was nowhere to be seen. I had wanted to hold his hand and talk last night.
"Emily, where's Adrian? He's not in the bedroom or the study."
As I stepped out of the room, yawning and still not fully awake, I ran into Emily, who was bustling about. Emily handed the laundry she was carrying to a passing servant and quickly approached me.
"Hilda, did you sleep well? The Count left early. He said he'd be away for a few days sponsoring opera singers."
"Ah, right. Look at me. He said he'd be gone for a week, and I forgot..."
"You've been busy lately. You've been tired, probably because of the little Count. Why don't you take it easy today and do nothing? I'll heat some water for you."
"Okay... Thanks, I'll take you up on that."
Emily warmly stroked my arm a few times before leaving with quick steps. I wanted to talk to him, but Adrian had to be away on business. When he gets back, I must make sure to hold his hand and have a talk. I rubbed my inexplicably heavy eyes and returned to my room.
Despite the traps he had set achieving their intended purpose, Adrian felt no satisfaction at all. A week ago, after kissing the forehead of the soundly sleeping Hilda, he had left the mansion with heavy steps. Throughout his business trip, he couldn't concentrate on work at all. With a face full of resentment and a gloomy expression as if he had lost his wife, no one dared to approach him easily. The man who wouldn't bat an eye even if the world ended was being shaken to his core by the mere possibility that Hilda might leave him.
"Count, your expression is dark. Is it because of what we discussed recently?"
Kazimir, who had accompanied him on this journey as an aide, observed his lord's gloomy complexion throughout the carriage ride. Unaware that he was the one who had sparked the misunderstanding, he thought he should try to match Adrian's mood when the latter remained silent. While the news of the baby was joyous, he knew well what Hilda meant to Adrian. Even if he was becoming a father, couldn't he be sad about receiving less attention from his beloved? Ah, such broad-mindedness befitting the butler of the Earldom.
"It's understandable that you're troubled. But humans seem to be beings that inevitably change. I've learned that living in this body."
"..."
"If I may offer a piece of advice, we too need to acknowledge and accept such changes as humans. Of course, it might be difficult. It's rare in our world for three to live together like that."
"...Living together, the three of us?"
Adrian removed the hand supporting his chin and parted his lips slightly. His face looked dazed, which confused Kazimir a bit. What, he doesn't know this either?
"You haven't heard about that yet? The reason the Madam has been busy lately is because she's preparing for that. It's no small matter when a family grows. You might not have as much time together as before, but looking at it differently, it's a happy concern to have."
"Humans... live like that?"
"Of course, everyone lives like that. We shouldn't think by our standards. I know it's unfamiliar to you. I understand. But you need to accept it too, Count."
"..."
"If you don't accept it, the Madam will be very upset. What can we do about something that's already happened?"
The confused look in his eyes slowly settled as Hilda was mentioned. But he seemed not too pleased, pressing his lips tightly, so Kazimir kept silent as well.
He seems more unsettled than I expected. Well, it's understandable since demons don't form families and live together. This makes me more worried about when the little Count is born. I should talk to him whenever I get the chance before the birth... Kazimir scratched his forehead and looked out the window, brightening when he spotted a village in the distance.
"Count, how about we stop by that village?"
"The village? Why?"
"We're returning to the mansion after a week, shouldn't we buy a gift for the Madam? That way she'll pay more attention to you, even if just a little more."
"Do I need to do even that... for her to look at me?"
"You're stating the obvious."
Of course, attention will inevitably shift to the baby when it's born! While Hilda probably won't neglect Adrian, buying a gift would be good either way. Adrian seemed to take his advice, stopping the carriage at the village entrance and trudging off alone, saying he'd be back. Kazimir watched Adrian's retreating figure with fond eyes.
"H-Hilda..."
As he entered the village, Adrian looked up at the sky with hollow eyes. Living together, the three of them with that physician, humans typically living like that, Hilda making preparations... His head reeled, feeling as if he'd been hit by unexpected advice. As his mind went half-blank, even the reason why he came to the village began to fade.
If we live together, the three of us... will she only come to see me once every few days from now on? It was too cruel, when even seeing her every day wasn't enough. What if she eventually stops coming to see me altogether? Could I endure without killing that man?
"Hey, watch where you're going, you bastard!"
"..."
"You want a beating so bad... ugh!"
As he wandered aimlessly, Adrian bumped shoulders with someone in the village square and was met with harsh curses. When Adrian turned around, the person was startled into silence, but the words couldn't be taken back.
From his attire and appearance, he was clearly a high-ranking nobleman. Damn, why is someone like that walking on the street? Thinking he should apologize and quickly leave, he was about to offer an apology when something seemed to occur to Adrian, and he grabbed the man.
"A beating?"
"P-Pardon?"
"Yes... I should get hurt. Then maybe..."
Hilda might pity me again.
"Will you hit me? The more pitiful I look, the better."
"What? No..."
"Hit me. Come on."
His grip on the passerby's shoulder tightened. Where would be good to get hurt? Somewhere that wouldn't interfere with loving Hilda. He went through each part, considering what he could do without, but nothing seemed dispensable. These eyes were for seeing Hilda, the ears for holding her voice, the legs for walking to her, the arms for embracing her. Not a single part existed without purpose.
In his troubled state, he thought, ah, he could do without legs since he could crawl if needed. Arms too would be fine. He could grip her clothes with his teeth...
"W-What are you doing! It hurts, it hurts! Let go of me!"
The passerby struggled with all his might as if his shoulder might crumble. Taking advantage of Adrian's loosened grip, he shoved him away and fled. Caught off guard, Adrian uncharacteristically bumped into a building wall. The dusty, dirty wall soiled his clothes, but such things didn't even register. What use were these things if Hilda wouldn't look at him? No matter how prettily he dressed up or tried to charm her, her eyes were on someone else. As he caught his breath and looked up, a scene that might have been an illusion greeted him.
"Hilda..."
Hilda was in the village with that man. She smiled happily as she picked up something and hugged it tightly to her chest. Though it was a distance imperceptible to human eyes, it was as clear as if he were right in front of her. The excited anticipation and heart-fluttering she held. While he felt dazed, about to be blinded by that face, the thought of her smiling at that man beside her made his insides twist. That smile she used to show only to me...
Hilda, so you were sincere with that man.
His chest ached as if it were being torn apart. The world crumbled and darkened, and he lost all will to continue living. But what was even more despairing was that he couldn't bring himself to resent or hate Hilda.
Hilda, I actually like you even when you've changed. You're so human and lovable. I like it when you smile, but I actually like it when you cry too. Even if you showed me a face of dislike or disgust, I'd still be happy.
As Adrian's eyes welled up with tears, Hilda finished her purchase and left with the man. Adrian watched from afar, remaining rooted to the spot until the sun set. Forgetting the original purpose of his visit to the village, he stood blankly until dusk before trudging away. He had no time to check his appearance, which he usually kept impeccably clean due to his obsessive-compulsive tendencies. Only Hilda, Hilda, Hilda... He repeated her name as if brainwashed.
With his zombie-like slow pace, it was already night when he arrived at the mansion. A shadow lingering in front of the mansion door hurriedly approached him as soon as it saw him.
"Adrian!"
Hilda, did you wait for me?
"Where have you been? Kazimir was in a panic when you suddenly disappeared on the way... But what happened? Why are your clothes..."
Hilda was quite shocked by his uncharacteristic appearance. An unfamiliar scent came from her. The thought that it was probably because of that physician pierced his mind. Hah. He breathed heavily as if on the verge of suffocation. If I suffer like before, if I'm dying from pain, would you look at me again, even if out of pity? If you'd just let me stay by your side, I'd even make a contract with a demon...
At that moment, his vision spun and darkened as if night had seeped in. As he felt a dull pain in his shoulder, the voice calling "Adrian, Adrian!" faded into the distance. Encroaching darkness. With the sound of his breath rapidly quickening as if his lungs might burst, his consciousness faded.
"...This seems to be a symptom of hyperventilation. Have you had any reasons to be angry lately?"
"I wonder. What could there be for him to be angry about? I wonder what happened during his business trip..."
How much time had passed? As his consciousness hazily returned, he heard a welcome voice. Even as he regained consciousness from fainting due to hyperventilation, he greedily devoured the concern laced in Hilda's voice. Hilda worried about me. Maybe she's not trying to push me away yet. Thinking that, the heavy lump in his chest seemed to melt away.
"Once he regains consciousness, there shouldn't be any major problems, but if he's placed in the same stressful situation, this could happen again."
"Sigh, I don't know what happened, but I'm worried. My husband has such a delicate heart."
"...Pardon? A delicate..."
"Yes, my husband is delicate."
How dare that physician be here too. With a face that said, 'Is this a different Count from the one I know?' Adrian wanted to cut out his tongue and tear his mouth apart right then and there, but he barely restrained himself. While anger boiled like lava, for the first time, he felt resentment towards Hilda. She could have brought any other physician, but she had him examined by the very cause of his collapse.
You... you're too cruel, Hilda. To make me endure this situation.
"...Hilda."
"Ah, are you coming to? What's going on, what happened?"
"Hilda... You won't abandon me, will you?"
"What?"
"Don't abandon me. You can't abandon me. Without you, I..."
As long as she didn't abandon him, anything would be fine. As he weakly mumbled while grabbing her hand, Hilda looked confused. It was understandable, given that he had walked up to the mansion in an uncharacteristic state, collapsed, and these were his first words upon regaining consciousness.
"I, I understand you. Even if you've found someone else, even if you're tired of me... I can wait. As long as you don't leave me, everything's fine, I can understand."
"No, what are you..."
"You met that man behind my back, didn't you? You spent time together, didn't you? I saw you in the village earlier. I'm not blaming you, don't misunderstand. It's just, if you have to live with him, if you have to share your time..."
Adrian cut her off as Hilda was about to speak. He couldn't bear to hear her say she loved someone else. His pale lips trembled finely, and cold sweat ran down his face, as his body hadn't fully recovered yet. He believed she would have understood by now, but her eyes were still filled with question marks. As her eyes, which had been carefully examining Adrian, finally changed to exclamation marks, a somewhat dejected laugh followed.
"Adrian, I think there's been some misunderstanding."
Hilda laughed a bit shyly while holding Adrian's hand tightly.
"Actually, I..."
On the day of Adrian's return, I was busy from the morning preparing to welcome him. I wanted to have an open and honest conversation today, as I was concerned about the strange vibe I felt before he left for his business trip, and not being able to talk about it sufficiently despite noticing it. I was waiting anxiously, even thinking of telling him about the baby if necessary, when suddenly Kazimir jumped out of the carriage that had stopped in front of the mansion! Pale as a sheet, Kazimir said that Adrian had gone missing.
What...? Adrian is missing? It was hard to grasp. The worst-case scenario in a missing person case is kidnapping, but unless someone had a death wish, no one would kidnap Adrian. Still, since he was reported missing, I had the servants search for him, but when he wasn't found and I was starting to worry, Adrian returned.
When he returned to the mansion, Hilda was a bit surprised. His appearance was uncharacteristically dusty, but even so, he was still beautiful like a delicate flower, which was always breathtaking. So pure... Despite the considerable time we've spent together, his beauty still surprises and takes my breath away every day. Just as I was about to make a fuss, wondering what kind of role-play this was, Adrian suddenly clutched his chest and collapsed! I was confused whether this was some kind of realistic event, but when the physician finished his examination and seriously said it was hyperventilation due to stress, I realized it wasn't an event. And I understood even more after hearing what followed.
"Hilda... You won't abandon me, will you?"
Huh?
"I, I understand you. Even if you've found someone else, even if you're tired of me... I can wait. As long as you don't leave me, everything's fine, I can understand."
Understand what? Someone else? Is he saying he understands why I got pregnant? We made this baby together, what nonsense is this?
"You met that man behind my back, didn't you? You spent time together, didn't you? I saw you in the village earlier. I'm not blaming you, don't misunderstand. It's just, if you have to live with him, if you have to share your time..."
What on earth is he talking about? The focus was off by a long shot. I was about to ask him to speak slowly, to tell me what happened, to caress my husband's pale face, when suddenly it dawned on me. Adrian's sharp gaze towards the physician, the physician getting injured every time he visited the mansion recently, and those unidentified traps... Oh, could it be. I quickly gestured for the physician to leave and held Adrian's hand tightly.
"Adrian, I think there's been some misunderstanding. Actually, I..."
"I know what you're going to say. But I, I... I really hate being second, but even if it has to be like that..."
"I'm pregnant."
"..."
"I'm sorry for telling you so late. This is my first time experiencing this, so I was clumsy. I thought you knew and were pretending not to."
Adrian looked as if he had stopped breathing at my confession. Ah, so he didn't know about the baby and misunderstood the relationship between the physician and me. Thanks to the physician sticking close to me, insisting that we should be extremely careful until we informed Adrian, it must have appeared that way. In reality, I had been busy going out to choose cotton clothes for the newborn and pondering what to name the baby.
Well, if he didn't feel jealous and suspicious, he wouldn't be Adrian. I'm touched by my consistently unchanging husband.
"It's almost your birthday, isn't it? I was planning to throw you a party and share the news then."
"Birthday?"
"Oh, you. You remember my birthday six months in advance, but you forget your own every year."
Adrian rose slowly, as if possessed by a ghost. His face, pale as if bleached, was hard to read whether he was happy or sad. I tilted my body slightly and gently stroked his neatly combed hair.
"And what's this? You should know I wouldn't see anyone else besides you. You're the only one I love."
"Hilda..."
"I love you. I love you. Do you still not trust me?"
As I whispered affectionately in his ear, Adrian, who had been silent for a moment, blushed so hard his ears might burst. Then suddenly, as if overcome by some emotion, he hugged me tightly. With much less strength compared to his usual force.
His hands trembled slightly as he embraced me, and my shoulder grew damp and cold. Whether it was from the joy of learning about the baby, or relief that I wouldn't leave him. Probably tears that even Adrian himself couldn't understand. I smiled and patted the back of my crybaby husband. It was just cute how he crumpled his body to fit into my arms.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."
"Oh, it's okay if you understand. Now stop crying."
"From today... I'll carry you around. Don't even touch the ground."
"Oh, you're being silly. But you know, right? We need to be careful with our marital life when there's a baby."
"It's alright, Hilda. If you just tie me up, I can take care of everything myself."
It was dirty talk in a voice sweet enough to melt my ears. But I knew he was speaking only the truth. We had experienced it several times already, and I enjoyed watching him each time. Hmm, thinking about it makes me want to see it again. Shall we do it again tonight?
"Shall we go eat now? I'm hungry from waiting for you to wake up."
"Mm-hmm. We should eat."
"It might be hard to eat if you just sit at the table staring at me."
"Mm-hmm. I'll eat too."
Adrian carefully let go of me and smiled prettily with clear eyes that had stopped crying.
But wait, he had such a huge misunderstanding about me having an affair, yet he let the physician live? In the old days, he would have already taken care of the body and appeared with a bright smile. He didn't even try to destroy the mansion or end the world. It was touchingly emotional to see him react so mildly, just asking me not to leave him. I'm truly proud of my husband.
However, it might be better to send Adrian somewhere else when it's time for the baby to be born. If I cry and scream in pain, Adrian's reaction... ugh, it's scary even to imagine. He's grown a lot in many ways and has become admirable, but it seems he still has a long way to go. Of course, it'll be fine as long as I'm by his side throughout that journey!
It was another happy morning, remaining in this world, by Adrian's side.
Four days later, while I was checking the contents of the work handover, Adrian suddenly came to me with a surprising proposal.
"You want us to go on a trip? So suddenly?"
"Mm-hmm. So suddenly."
"When do we leave?"
"Today, now."
Haha, I didn't know Adrian could make such jokes, saying we'll leave right away today when I haven't even finished sorting out work. I laughed, but somehow Adrian's face remained serious. Is it... not a joke?
"Wait a moment. At least we should tell Emily and Kazimir, and the physician..."
"Hilda, I'm sorry, but I'll have to be rude."
Before I could stop him, a gentle smile spread across Adrian's face. For a brief moment, I felt dizzy, as if motion sick, and my surroundings changed instantly. When I came to my senses, I was already sitting in a carriage, far away from the mansion. There was also a luggage wagon with enough supplies to last three months of travel, somehow all prepared in advance.
"Adrian, no matter what, we should at least talk to them before..."
"Mm-hmm, Hilda. I'm listening."
I wasn't saying we shouldn't go on the trip, I was trying to persuade him that we should at least inform the mansion before leaving. But Adrian silently prepared pillows and blankets, neatly arranging them on his lap. Then he gently pulled my waist to make me lie down. It was surprisingly comfortable and warm, making me swallow the words of persuasion, and the hand stroking my head melted my mood so warmly that I unconsciously closed my eyes.
Oh well, never mind. We can send a letter to the mansion later, right?
